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Archive for the ‘Sasquatches’ Category

Ok….so I’ve started, like, four different blog posts in the last several days, but unfortunately, lost the will to live right smack in the middle of EACH one of them. As one does.

So never fear….my writing mojo IS coming back, but it’s coming back in fits and starts.

Therefore, in the meantime, I will direct you toward my own, personal, fool-proof remedy for any blues you might be experiencing at this moment: Richard Simmons. I should loathe the man – – he of tiny-shiny shorts, loud screeching, and inordinately smooth legs – – he should be annoying in the extreme. But instead, I find myself delighted by his mere presence – – puzzled by the sheer NUMBER of hamsters that would have to be running around the wheel turning in his head – – and smiling at his overtly innocent, wide-eyed outrage at various talk show hosts who play into his game and poke fun at his over-exuberance.

This particular clip is taken from his guest appearance on “Whose Line is it Anyway” and it never fails to make me laugh until a couple of tears emerge from my eyes. I don’t know who’s funnier: Richard Simmons, the other improvisational actors, or Drew Carey who is obviously about to wet himself while watching the whole sordid affair unfold.

So…anyway. Enjoy. And in the meantime, I’ll be revving up the ol’ writing engine and see if I can produce an ending to one of those four posts I started recently. If not…maybe I’ll just do another post about Sasquatches. Lord knows I can always write about Big-Freaking-Foot for some reason…

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inappropriatecard

Dude….this is so exciting!

Apparently, February 26th is Inappropriate Card Day.

It’s like the event is MADE for me! Basically…it’s a whole day dedicated to giving friends and loved ones inappropriate cards. Birthday cards when it’s not someone’s birthday. Happy Halloween when it’s actually February, etc.

But see….in MY world….I think I would like to MAKE some inappropriate cards. Because, frankly, I don’t think there are cards out there that are inappropriate enough for me to give. Take a gander at THESE possible Hallmark moments…

  • Hope your mole removal goes swimmingly!”
  • “Congrats! I heard you don’t have crabs!”
  • “I ate a jar full of peanut butter today and just had to tell SOMEONE. And that person is YOU!!!”
  • “I’m a biped – – and so are you! We’re TOTALLY BFF’s!”
  • “Congratulations on the Sasquatch you found who is now living in your basement eating Cheetos”
  • “Many Sympathies for your botched Laser Hair Removal Session on your inner thigh. Thinking of you.”

So…you heard it here first. And if you’re a friend of mine? WATCH OUT!!!! Consider this post a warning.

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Today’s random photo tests all of our abilities to think outside the box artistically. Take a look…

mail

Now…one might think, “Where could I put a piece of pink, glitter Sasquatch art?” But if you think that way, then you’re not expanding your mind to its fullest potential, and realizing that there are multiple uses for such a masterpiece.

For instance, you could use it as a coffee table coaster. And when someone comes over for a visit and says “Hey! A Sasquatch coaster! What’s the story there?”, you could look them dead in the face, while wearing a completely benign expression, and say “there’s no story…”, then continue on with the conversation like nothing has happened. Watch your guest’s eyes continue to dart back and forth between you and the Sasquatch, trying to find some level of understanding as to why, on God’s green earth, you have a Sasquatch coaster.

But the fun doesn’t end there.

You could hang it in your bathroom. But when hanging it in your bathroom, it’s very important to position it so it’s hanging on the wall opposite the toilet, so that an unsuspecting guest sits down and is faced with a pink, glitter Sasquatch. They look around the rest of the bathroom, decorated in modern elegance….then their eyes arrive back at the Sasquatch trying to understand its existance, not just in the bathroom, but on planet Earth. They come out of the bathroom and say “Hey….did your neice/nephew/child/grandchild/God-child paint that Sasquatch in the bathroom?” And you could, once again, look mildly puzzled, then say “Well….no. No they didn’t.” Then offer no further explanation. Your guest will remember that moment for weeks…..maybe years.

Finally, when looking at such a painting, I like to picture where a person is in their life spiritually….mentally….emotionally….artistically……that they would feel the need to paint a Sasquatch accented by glitter paint. Did they have the idea one day sitting in a meeting? Were they invited to a crafting party after having just read a website about Bigfoot? Were they raised by a pack of Sasquatches and this is their effort to record the experience in….pink paint? Are they just ….you know… a big….fan of Sasquatches…

Or were they like me, when it comes to most random, bizarre things that I do? Which is….one day….they just felt like painting a Sasquatch.

So they did.

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